Living Simple

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Archive for the tag “relationships”

Falling In Love All Over Again…

I met my boyfriend in the summer of 2007. I was recently divorced and not looking for anything serious. I had spent the past 7 months in a small apartment learning how to be on my own for the first time in my life. I had never really dated or lived out my wild college days and I was making up for lost time. I turned 29 during the time I was moving out of my 7 year marriage and into the single life. So in my mind I would allow myself the one last year of my 20s to be wild and free before settling into my more serious 30s.  When I first met him I didn’t think much about it because I was focused on meeting another guy.  That “other guy” was seriously all wrong for me and eventually we were to meet up again. He approached me showing confidence and a bit of a flirty side that immediately intrigued me. I admit I gave him a hard time at first because after 7 months of going out and partying I was starting to get burned out. I didn’t want another fling, I had decided I was going to just learn to be alone for a while, but he was persistent. After some time I found myself in an unexpected situation…I didn’t want to be in a relationship because I had a plan to be alone for a while…but I was falling for this guy. 

I tried to end things one night but after a few tears I finally admitted that I loved him and couldn’t really even explain why. A few months later we moved in together. It all seemed to be happening fast and the first couple of years were not always easy. We still had a lot to learn about each other and there were times when I know we both questioned if we wanted to stay in it.  Last year, around the 4 year mark, he blind sided me with his reasons for possibly never wanting to get married again….he has been married twice before. I am a girl who values a full commitment, I want the full package and that includes marriage.  So needless to say I was hurt but I have stayed anyway.  After much debate in my mind I decided I love him more than the idea of  marriage. I have went through some struggles of self-doubt because I want the man I love to want to marry me but I know he loves me. We have a stronger relationship than some married couples I know.

So here we are starting the 5th year together and I can’t help but think how much I love this man. I am so thankful for all that he is and all that does for me and my daughter.  We may not always agree on everything and we have some different hobbies and interests but that is what keeps the relationship interesting. We have fun together and we have learned a lot from each other but most importantly we respect each other.  When I think of the years I have spent with him and where we are now I know I am right where I need to be.   I no longer complicate things by trying to make plans or push to do what everyone else thinks we should do. We are moving at our own pace and letting our love mature like a fine wine.  As I become comfortable with where our relationship is right now, instead of  worrying about where it’s going, I find myself relaxing and really enjoying myself. 

You only live this life once so you must make it good. Learn something new everyday! Learn from your mistakes, learn from other people, learn to live in the moment and learn to love.  On this day I find myself thinking of him while he is away….thoughts of what I have learned in our time together and simply falling in love with him all over again.

Friendship Breakup

I have to admit I have never really found any girlfriends as great as the friends I had when I was in school.  A few years ago when I went through my divorce I thought I found a long lasting friendship, but when I look back now I know it was never meant to last.  How do you know when you have outgrown a friendship?  I recently had to ask myself this question and the answers for me were obvious.  It was definitely time to breakup!

I have tried to gradually pull away from this particular friend in the past because I could feel how her negative rants were beginning to effect me.  I even found myself taking on her thought process and applying it to my own relationship, which was never good. I believe the only reason we have remained friends this long is because she needed a sympathetic ear and in turn it made me feel wise and needed.  So for a while the friendship worked but in the last year it has progressively gotten worse.  I found myself trying to be the sympathetic ear on a weekly basis, giving the same advice over and over. The fun stuff like drinks after work and our lunch and dinner dates were all consumed with conversation about her awful relationship.  Then she stopped attending any invites and basically just called, emailed or text me with all her problems. I was nothing more than her ranting tree and I felt used up and frustrated. At one point I even pointed it out and she apologized but the very next day it started all over again!

Her monthly emotional break-downs have become more frequent and the good times have become nonexistent.  Basically it has become an unhealthy relationship and I am the only one who seems to notice.  I came to a  point where I had nothing nice left to say.  So I decided to end the friendship  which feels a lot like breaking up with a boyfriend.  I told her that I wish her luck on trying the same old crap over and over and expecting different results.  I went on to say she is crazier than a outhouse rat if she thinks that she is ever going to change him and not to come crying to me in 3 weeks when she starts this emotional roller coaster ride all over again!

That is not the exact words I used but pretty close.  The fact that I didn’t feel any since of guilt afterward made it even more clear that I had indeed outgrown the friendship. The next day I kept expecting to feel a bit regretful but instead I felt like a weight had been lifted.  She simply said she was sorry and that I was her best friend.  As I sit here writing this I think….of course I was her best friend, nobody else would have put up with that craziness!  All the times she cried to me that she was a fool for staying with this guy and I am thinking that I was the fool for listening to her cry about the same crap for 4 years!  I started feeling drained and depressed after each conversation.  I do hope she finds her happiness but not at the risk of mine…     

So as part of my fresh start for the new year I have decided to not only declutter my home and detox my body but also detox my relationships. Closing the door on a friendship is not always easy but I have been missing the person I originally became friends with for a while now. People change and unfortunately not always for the better.

Refer to this article that explains in detail the “dark side of friendship”….

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