I have to admit I have never really found any girlfriends as great as the friends I had when I was in school. A few years ago when I went through my divorce I thought I found a long lasting friendship, but when I look back now I know it was never meant to last. How do you know when you have outgrown a friendship? I recently had to ask myself this question and the answers for me were obvious. It was definitely time to breakup!
I have tried to gradually pull away from this particular friend in the past because I could feel how her negative rants were beginning to effect me. I even found myself taking on her thought process and applying it to my own relationship, which was never good. I believe the only reason we have remained friends this long is because she needed a sympathetic ear and in turn it made me feel wise and needed. So for a while the friendship worked but in the last year it has progressively gotten worse. I found myself trying to be the sympathetic ear on a weekly basis, giving the same advice over and over. The fun stuff like drinks after work and our lunch and dinner dates were all consumed with conversation about her awful relationship. Then she stopped attending any invites and basically just called, emailed or text me with all her problems. I was nothing more than her ranting tree and I felt used up and frustrated. At one point I even pointed it out and she apologized but the very next day it started all over again!
Her monthly emotional break-downs have become more frequent and the good times have become nonexistent. Basically it has become an unhealthy relationship and I am the only one who seems to notice. I came to a point where I had nothing nice left to say. So I decided to end the friendship which feels a lot like breaking up with a boyfriend. I told her that I wish her luck on trying the same old crap over and over and expecting different results. I went on to say she is crazier than a outhouse rat if she thinks that she is ever going to change him and not to come crying to me in 3 weeks when she starts this emotional roller coaster ride all over again!
That is not the exact words I used but pretty close. The fact that I didn’t feel any since of guilt afterward made it even more clear that I had indeed outgrown the friendship. The next day I kept expecting to feel a bit regretful but instead I felt like a weight had been lifted. She simply said she was sorry and that I was her best friend. As I sit here writing this I think….of course I was her best friend, nobody else would have put up with that craziness! All the times she cried to me that she was a fool for staying with this guy and I am thinking that I was the fool for listening to her cry about the same crap for 4 years! I started feeling drained and depressed after each conversation. I do hope she finds her happiness but not at the risk of mine…
So as part of my fresh start for the new year I have decided to not only declutter my home and detox my body but also detox my relationships. Closing the door on a friendship is not always easy but I have been missing the person I originally became friends with for a while now. People change and unfortunately not always for the better.
Refer to this article that explains in detail the “dark side of friendship”….