I find myself in relationship conversations with my girlfriends weekly. Some situations are easy to figure out and others are a bit more complicated. A few years ago I read the book “He’s Not That In To You” and also watched the movie. It is easy for women to over-analyze situations but when do we go beyond being reasonable and cross over to crazy?
I have heard both guys and girls talk about crazy situations from snooping through cell phones to Facebook stalking. The part in the movie where she is making up an excuse of returning a promotional ink pen just to see a guy reminds me of a recent incident with a friend of mine. The truth is, if a guy hasn’t called, text, emailed or messaged you in one of the hundred ways possible then he is really NOT interested. If you feel the need to come up with some crazy excuse to contact an old flame, like returning an old picture or t-shirt, after 2 years of not speaking, then he is going to figure it out. He is going to know immediately that you are still hung up on him and why in the world would you give him the satisfaction? There are just too many fish in the sea!
Some good advice was given to me by a guy friend years ago. He said, the moment you stop wanting it and thinking about it and just enjoy yourself the real deal will come along. I found that advice to be so true. Life is so much easier if you just enjoy the moment and take life as it comes and stop trying to force things. There are so many ifs, ands or buts in the beginning of dating but what about once you think you found the one?
A few years into a relationship other issues begin to crop up. The ups and downs and phases seem to go in a circle. One week the guy may seem jealous and paranoid of everything you do or say for no particular reason. You find yourself confused but also a little bit confident because if he is getting jealous then he obviously still cares…right? Then your mind goes to the next what-if…maybe he is acting jealous and paranoid because he is doing something he shouldn’t be! So then the tables turn and you end up the paranoid, jealous one. Why do we do this stupid dance with one another? Do the little doubts ever completely go away and if so does that mean we just don’t care anymore?
I had a conversation with a guy friend a few weeks ago and he talked to me about cheating on his wife years ago. We got on the subject of basic animal instincts and how men don’t really pay attention to quality but more about quantity. The male in any species just wants to spread his seed as much as humanly possible because the more offspring the better. Females however, are more into quality than quantity because they are only going to get so many chances to reproduce. We look for good-looking, strong guys who have their shit together and can protect and provide. Even if we are not looking to reproduce that basic instinct still stands true. Guys like to puff out their feathers like a peacock and strut their stuff to impress and once they get a hot chick on their arm they like to strut her around as well. Have you ever seen a guy out by himself and thought, oh he is average. Then a month later he shows up with a beautiful woman and all of sudden he seems more attractive. You many wonder to yourself, what am I missing? It is much more common for a really nerdy guy to be seen with a beautiful woman than for a really fugly girl to be seen with a hot guy. Why is that? Because if a man is going to commit he wants someone he can be proud to show off but if he is just in for the hook-up it doesn’t really matter.
This brings me to a joke I once heard…A guy can be married to a beautiful woman who has it all, lets say she is the filet mignon of women. However, night after night of filet mignon over many years and eventually, one day, that guy is going to look across the room and think…oooo a Ritz cracker! This may be just a joke but is there a part of it that is painfully true?
When I hear my friends say…oh I don’t care if my man is talking to her because she is doesn’t compare to me in the looks department, I immediately think of that joke. Looks are not everything! Is it really possible to keep the love alive with one person for years and years? I think so. My parents have been married for 49 years and I know it was not always easy but anything worth having in life is never easy.
We have all done some crazy things for love. What is the craziest thing you have done?